12 things I learned by 21

I’m twenty-one years old today! That sounds so crazy to me.

Since I have known this day was approaching, over the past few weeks, I have been reflecting on my life and all of the experiences I have had- the good, the bad, and everything in between. I’m not claiming to be the wisest person out there, and I definitely do not have life all figured out, but I just wanted to share what the Lord has been teaching and showing me during my twenty-one trips around the sun!

My dad told me one time, “before you listen to anyone else’s advice, see what the Bible has to say about your situation first.” There is so much wisdom in that statement especially because not all advice that you hear is good advice. Bearing that in mind, I have included Bible verses to support each piece of advice I provide!

1. The Lord should come first. NEEDS to come first. Has to come first. Look to the Lord above it all.

Matthew 6:33- “But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be provided for you.”

I make this my first point because it is the greatest lesson I have learned. I have not always made God my true number one priority even though I thought that I was. To be transparent, until a few years ago, it was religion instead of a relationship for me. It was my image and reputation instead of my heart. I wanted to do everything on my own strength. I poured into my other relationships more than my relationship with the Lord and prioritized spending time doing other things over spending time with God. I finally gave in to the Holy Spirit’s tug at my heart and realized that I was going about life the wrong way.

I learned over the course of a few years that once you truly surrender everything in life over to the Lord, everything else will follow. It is a daily pursuit. It is realizing that you are a sinner and are nothing without God’s grace and sacrificial love. I am not claiming to have this all figured out because I fail daily, but that is where God’s mercy and direction comes in. It’s not perfection, and it can’t be because we are human, but it’s the progression of the posture of your heart.

Invite God into every area of your life. In all of your relationships, passions, free time, areas of your life you do not think God even considers… strive to pursue Him and glorify Him daily in all that you do. There is much more peace and fulfillment that God grants you when you intentionally pursue His ways instead of the world’s. It is not easy; you truly have to depend on the Lord for strength and guidance. But, surrendering your life over to God is worth it. Our lives are only vessels to glorify Him anyway.

2. Enjoy every season of life you are in.

Ecclesiastes 3:1- “There is an occasion for everything, and a time for every activity under heaven.”

I wish I could go back and knock myself in the head with this one.

In high school, I spent so much of my time wishing I could graduate and be in college already. In college, I just wanted my degree and wanted to be settled in my career. I was so focused on tomorrow that I did not enjoy today.

Do not wish your life away; slow down and take it all in. See what the Lord is trying to teach you.

If you’re in high school, go to every game. Every event and dance. Support your school. Hang out with your friends every chance you get. Don’t be afraid to join the band if that’s your thing, or take that class that intimidates you. Do that dress up day for homecoming week that you think you’re too old and cool for. Keep your grades up. If you play a sport, relish every single moment. Give every game/meet/competition your all. You will not get those days back.

If you’re in college, do the same. Soak it in. Go get food at midnight with your roommate, meet new people, pay attention in class- try not to just live for the weekends or the days you do not have class. Find the good in every day.

Do not spend your time wishing you are someplace you aren’t. Don’t dwell on your past or be so focused on your future that you miss the present. Enjoy every season of your life. You can’t get these days back.

3. Treat everyone with love and kindness.

Colossians 3:12-15- “Therefore, as God’s chosen ones, holy and dearly loved, put on compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience, bearing with one another and forgiving one another if anyone has a grievance against another. Just as the Lord has forgiven you, so you are also to forgive. Above all, put on love, which is the perfect bond of unity. And let the peace of Christ, to which you were also called in one body, rule your hearts. And be thankful.”

Be kind to everyone you come in contact with. Even when you aren’t having the best day. Even when someone disrespects you, offends you, or is violent towards you, overcome evil with good (Romans 12:21). You never know what someone else is going through. Your kindness could be what turns their day around.

4. Comparison is the thief of joy.

Didn’t Theodore Roosevelt say that?

If he did, he was right.

James 3:16-“For where there is envy and selfish ambition, there is disorder and every evil practice.”

This is something that the Lord has really shown me within the past year. I wish I would have grasped the idea sooner.

It is so hard to not compare yourself to others in this day and age. Social media makes the highlights of everyone’s lives easily accessible, and it’s so easy to compare your relationships, image, style, success, and multiple other aspects of your life to other people who appear to be thriving.

Comparison really brought me down in college. Many of my high school friends were having college experiences that were opposite of mine; they were at larger universities near home, and I went away from home to a small college. While both choices are awesome and each have their pros and cons, seeing my friends’ different experiences sparked envy within my heart. Some days I felt as if I made the wrong decision; I thought the grass was greener on the other side. For a few months, I didn’t enjoy my own experience because I was too busy focusing on the highlights of everyone else's.

God started to show me that it was and is pointless to compare my journey to someone else’s because He has placed a unique calling on each of our lives. He created each of us with intention, and we need to embrace our gifts, passions, and placements in life instead of being envious of other people.

5. Be confident in who you are. Find your confidence in the Lord.

Psalm 139:14-”I will praise you because I have been remarkably and wondrously made. Your works are wondrous, and I know this very well.”

To build upon my previous point- in order to combat the enemy of comparison, it is important to know who you are and to be confident in who God created you to be.

You are not here by accident. The Lord handcrafted you; He knit you in your mothers womb (Psalm 139:13) and loves you more than you could ever fathom. Find your confidence in your worth in Christ; basing your worth and self esteem upon worldly, materialistic, and/or outwardly things is fleeting. Once you believe you are everything God says you are- loved, chosen, redeemed, and forgiven (Ephesians 1), a confidence from God will radiate out of you.

6. Do not be scared to go out of your comfort zone.

2 Timothy 1:7 “For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but one of power,[a] love, and sound judgment.”

Do not be scared to take a leap of faith and depend on God during times of uncertainty. Growth happens when you are uncomfortable.

7. Fret not, fear not, faint not, forget not.

When speaking with my Maw Maw, she told me that this phrase is some of the best advice she has ever received. In times of trouble, this is a great mindset to have. Whenever we face tribulation, we do not need to worry, be afraid, grow weary, or forget what Jesus did for us; the Lord will sustain us.

Philippians 4: 6-7- ““Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

Isaiah 41:10 -“Do not fear, for I am with you; do not be afraid, for I am your God. I will strengthen you; I will help you; I will hold on to you with my righteous right hand.”

Galatians 6:9 -“Let us not get tired of doing good, for we will reap at the proper time if we don’t give up.”

2 Timothy 2:8 -“Remember Jesus Christ, risen from the dead and descended from David, according to my gospel.”

8. It is okay to fail sometimes.

2 Corinthians 12:9-10 -“But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is perfected in weakness.' Therefore, I will most gladly boast all the more about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may reside in me. So I take pleasure in weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and in difficulties, for the sake of Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”

I have been a perfectionist for as long as I can remember. I wish I would have learned a long time ago that it is okay to not be the best at everything. You CAN’T be the best at everything. It is impossible to not mess up. As long as you are giving it your best effort, that is all that matters. Learn from your mistakes and move on from them. Let the Lord, who IS perfect, pick up your slack. His strength is made perfect in our weakness.

9. Do not let one bad moment ruin your entire day. Or one bad day ruin your week.

Philippians 4:4 - “Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!”

Boy does my seventeen year old self need to hear this one. If something upsets you or makes you angry, try to move on from it. If it won’t matter in a week, it’s not that important to dwell on. Focus on the good in every day instead of what went wrong. Easier said than done, but once you shift your mindset, it is so helpful. Rejoice and be glad in the day the Lord made. (Psalm 118:24)

10. Quality friends > a large quantity of friends.

1 Corinthians 15:33 - “Do not be deceived: “Bad company corrupts good morals.”

Proverbs 27:17 -“Iron sharpens iron, and one person sharpens another”

It is more important to have a few genuine friends who respect you, encourage you, and value you rather than having a large number of friends who are insincere and do not truly value your friendship. Surround yourself with people you can trust and depend on and who bring you closer to the Lord!

11. Think before you act. Every action has consequences, whether you consider them in the moment or not.

Proverbs 13:16 -“Every sensible person acts knowledgeably, but a fool displays his stupidity.”

12. Forgive others.

Ephesians 4:32 -“And be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving one another, just as God also forgave you in Christ.”

Strive to not hold bitterness in your heart. This is another one that is easier said than done. But, we should try to forgive others as Jesus has forgiven us for our sins. Pray about the condition of your heart and of the person’s heart who wronged you. It is not worth it to hold a grudge. Try to turn the other cheek and give them another chance. However, be sure to guard your heart.

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These twelve life lessons are the ones that really stuck out to me when I reflected upon the past few years of my life. I had to learn some of these lessons the hard way, and I sometimes still forget to live by some of these pieces of advice.

If you made it this far, thank you SO much for reading. I hope you can relate to even just a little piece of it whether you are a Christian or not.

If you do not consider yourself a believer in Christ and are curious about learning more, please do not hesitate to reach out and contact me!

thanks again!! <3